It’s that most beloved time of the year: fall registration. Students were busy all week planning schedules and finding the perfect classes, only to get greeted by a mass of red “X’s” denying them their desired courses. The only comfort they can take is that they don’t have to face the real world like graduating seniors.
Teenage Dream
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A UVa. student filed a lawsuit for $40 million against the state Alcohol Beverage Control Board after agents wrongly arrested her for buying alcohol underage after she actually bought water. UNC freshmen flooded Harris Teeter looking for the most beer-like water bottles they could find to fool the reviled ALE.
He's Not Funny
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Tuesday, He’s Not Here sent a tweet out declaring that after 42 years, it had finally secured a liquor license. Alas, this turned out to be only a cruel April Fools’ prank. All across Chapel Hill there were cries at this realization. We’re not sure if it was cries of sadness from the students or of relief from their livers.
What now?
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The National Labor Relations Board recently upheld the Northwestern University football team’s request to form a union. Pundits have claimed that this could do anything from dissolve the NCAA to absolutely nothing. Only one thing’s for sure — no one has a damn clue what any of this means.