Opinion: Just what you need: a safe space for white men

Editor’s note: This is an advertisement from a fictional fraternity president inspired by online comments. The Daily Tar Heel does not claim any fraternity is like this.

Let me set the scene. The cops pull you over and you’re immediately terrified.

You know you haven’t done anything wrong, but the cops don’t care, they will take you out regardless of your innocence.

This is an everyday encounter between white bros, like me, and the political correctness police.

When we wildin’ out to the new fire Young Thug track, PC police. When we watch Pulp Fiction and quote all of Jules’ lines, PC police. Every public drunkenness ticket, real police — but my dad knows a guy, so it’s chill.

Anyways, this is the fear that we white guys live with day in and day out. Our lived experience has been pushed aside thanks to all this #blacklivesmatter talk. What about #mylifematters?

If you’re a white guy and this is #thestruggle for you too, rush Chi Omega Chi Kappa Iota.

We proudly offer a safe space for white guys to be white guys without social justice warrior babble, Tumblr meme queens, feminist consciousness poisoning, race baiting and snarky editorials (#liberalmediaconspiracy).

Everybody else has a safe space, what about us white guys who wanna pound a Natty while watching the next Donald Trump speech?

Where’s the safe space to Make America Great Again?

Let me paint the scene. I’m at Top of the Hill last Friday, chatting up this Iggy Azalea look-a-like in a tight red dress.

I’m like three Buds in, feelin’ a little sauced, but, as all my dudes know, my game has been at LeBron James levels lately. I ask her what her major is and she says Women’s Studies and starts talking about patriarchy and Title IX.

I’m like, hold up, so this isn’t happening is it?

And she’s like, I’d rather stumble through Judith Butler’s densest book than go home with you. I’m like, ‘what does that mean?’, and then she left.

See what I’m saying guys? We need a place just for us. Where we can spend time talking ‘bout fine females instead of Gerard Butler, or whoever she was talking about.

To put it bluntly, our culture is under attack.

When I made my Facebook cover photo of me and my boys chillin’ at the beach house with a Confederate flag hanging off the porch, I got called “problematic” and “racist.”

I mean, Kanye got to put Confederate flags all over his Yeezus merch?

I worked hard at my Goldman Sachs internship that my uncle scored me over the summer, yet everyone tells me I’m privileged and don’t deserve my BMW. Do they even know it’s a 2006? That wasn’t even a good year.

All this is to say, I can’t be the dude that I know I am in this political climate.

That’s why we need Chi Omega Chi Kappa Iota, a safe space to bro out, listen to some Dave Matthews and meet for all those group projects the B-school makes us do.