When I’m feeling anxious about being back in Chapel Hill, I ask myself, “What would Selena Gomez do?”
I get it. Beyonce is flawless. Taylor Swift is problematic but a teen idol. And we should all aspire to be as assertive as Nicki Minaj. Sometimes, when I’m thinking of new ways for the i-team to investigate UNC’s academic scandal, I think about writing the UNC administration an email that says “Carol, what’s good?” just to see what happens. Trust me, I know how important these goddesses are.
But Selena gets me. We’re not best friends (yet), but if we were we would be the type of friends who would stay up all night silently checking our Twitter feeds and emails next to each other at a sleepover.
Ask me about something seemingly personal about my life, and I’ll give you all of the details. I’m not embarrassed easily (but I am a likely target for identity theft). I love Selena because I think she’s the same way.
Selena and Justin Bieber had an on-again, off-again relationship for about three years. I had an on-again, off-again relationship for two years. Selena and Justin posted vomit-inducing pictures of them making out on the beach, courtside at a basketball game and at awards shows. I posted cutesy pictures of us spending 16 hours solving a cat puzzle, wearing ridiculous outfits at our fraternity events and eating the overzealous “all-the-way” topped hashbrowns at Waffle House.
Then Selena and Justin broke up. Then my ex and I broke up. And just like Selena and Justin had to publicly defend how they were handling their breakups to the world, we did, too, because we were both active in the same fraternity and also living in the same fraternity house. Trust me, I get Selena and Justin all too well.
I played “Good for You” all day, everyday for about two weeks when it dropped this summer. It’s one of Selena’s many songs about Justin. As the Selena in my breakup (for reasons other than just being the female-identifying person in the relationship), I was obsessed.
But I’m also doing the same thing with Justin Bieber’s “What Do You Mean” right now. It’s about Selena and he just told E! about how even after a year, he's still heartbroken. We don't hear that enough — or at least, I don't hear that enough from pop stars.
(Pause: I would like to take a minute to talk to all of the people on the Internet who think “What Do You Mean” is about consent. Please leave. You’re wrong, and I don’t want to deal with you.
Hold on...
OK, they’re gone. Let’s continue—)
When I tell people that I’m personally invested in Selena and Justin’s breakup, I get some strange looks:
“Do you want them to get back together?”
“No, they were a mess. Still are a mess.”
“...”
“UGH. No one understands me.”
I created a Spotify called “FEELINGS ARE OK” that’s just “What Do You Mean” and “Good For You” interchanged. While writing this post, I’ve only been listening to this playlist, and it’s been about three hours now. I’ll probably listen to it on the way to classes and on the way to Raleigh for my internship tomorrow.
When Selena broke down in tears in November during her performance of “The Heart Wants What It Wants” at the American Music Awards, I remember telling my mom that she needed to get it together. A lot of people felt that way. Even Justin blew her off and went to White Castle during her performance.
Almost a year later, Justin is crying after his debut performance of “What Do You Mean” at MTV’s Video Music Awards, and people on the internet are telling him to get it together. Selena and the rest of the cast of Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” music video left the venue before his performance.
A public breakup is as bad as it sounds. You never know when people are paying attention to what you do next. You never know how many people have heard about your date that Sunday or about the new beau you’re seeing. You never know if people are going to notice that you left the room when you saw your ex was there or if they’re watching as you cry at parties. But chances are they didn’t even notice you broke up until you said something. People are self-involved.
What’s problematic is when they do notice the tears and the sadness and blow it off. It’s not OK to tell someone to get it together after they get emotional. It’s not OK to just turn a blind-eye when someone is crying in public.
What’s beautiful about these singles is how honest they are. It's not like any other Hollywood timeline where it just seems like everyone forgot a relationship happened a few months after it ended. This breakup is a year out, and they're still singing about one another.
So, sometimes when I’m anxious about being back in Chapel Hill this semester, I think about my girl, Selena Gomez. She gets me.¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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