Brainwashing, tinted Carolina Blue: How to trick your younger siblings into becoming UNC fans

For reasons that remain incomprehensible, not every young person dreams of attending the greatest University in the world and becoming a Tar Heel. 

As current Tar Heels, it is our duty to save these poor, unfortunate, misguided souls. If we each do our part, we can slowly transform the world into a place with a lot more Carolina Blue.

All it’ll take is a touch of systematic brainwashing and manipulation.

If you wish to brainwash your younger siblings, cousins or anyone whose brain is in its prime molding stage, follow these simple steps:

1. Start as early as possible. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s necessary to show a child highlight tapes of MJ as they emerge from the womb, but definitely very soon after. Additionally, dress them in Carolina blue as an infant, regardless of their gender. Fight stereotypes and practice brainwashing simultaneously! That takes talent.
2. Whenever anyone says the word “puke,” something that happens often in a young person’s life, quietly whisper “Duke.” Subtlety is not really essential in this case.
3. Whenever anyone says the word “tar,” something that will not happen as often in a young person’s life, shout “HEELS!”
4. Take the little ones on walks through campus. Play soccer or Frisbee in the Quad. Treat them to YoPo. The campus will speak for itself as you watch your manipulative actions take effect.
5. Sneak into the kids’ rooms after they have fallen asleep and softly play “Carolina in My Mind.”
6. Purchase all of their birthday gifts from the Student Store. Find items they will enjoy and, therefore, not give any thought to the tactics behind the gift. Examples include: Carolinaopoly, a new football or a Teddy Bear.
7. When having the “What do you want to be when you grow up?” conversation, listen closely to their answer. Then respond with, “Now, I know you’re too young to be thinking about college, but Carolina has a great [insert kid’s answer] program.” They want to be the President? UNC has a program for that.
8. Take them to a basketball game. That’s all.

In all honesty, it’s not hard to coax someone into falling in love with Chapel Hill. It’s the greatest place on Earth. Some just need a little bit more of a push than others. Happy brainwashing, folks.