There are 50 days until Christmas.
Yes, Thanksgiving is approaching and the semester is ending, but there is something much more important going on here.
There are only 50 days until Christmas!!!
The Christmas season is never long enough. We aren’t supposed to celebrate until after Thanksgiving. What kind of joke is that? Halloween is over; this is our time.
Some people mock those of us who choose to begin celebrating early. I’ve gathered some ways to start celebrating early and avoid being shamed by your roommates and loved ones:
If you’re ready for Christmas music, but you don’t want to be judged for skipping straight from "Hotline Bling" to "Let it Snow," I’m here to help. Let your roommates know that you’ll be doing a research project on the musical variations of holiday jingles. If they question it, say it’s for your thesis or something. Feel free to get creative here. Biology? I don’t know; say you’re using the scientific method.
You want to start watching your favorite holiday movies, but every time you mention it, someone is like, “What? Put on 'Game of Thrones.'” Set every television in your residence to the Hallmark channel. Conveniently lose the remotes. Hide them all, every last one. Anyone want to watch television? Perfect. "Elf" is on again.
Your decorations are burning a hole under your bed and you are ready to light it up. Unfortunately, everyone around you wants to wait until they get home and their mothers have already decorated. (Honestly, who are you people?) Stage a robbery in your room. Everything was taken, except the Christmas decorations. Wow Scrooge, is this some kind of a sick joke? In order to keep things light, go ahead and put up the decorations. No one can judge you for embracing the only thing you have left. Oh no, they took all of my clothes without little wreaths on them too. What a shame.
You are ready to start buying gifts, but no one else wants to go Christmas shopping before Black Friday. Sure, Black Friday is the first time the rest of these heathens join us in holiday joy, but it’s nice to knock out your shopping ahead of time. Buy everything online this year. The internet has every gift imaginable, and no one will know how much you are really getting. Every time a package arrives, mutter something about someone having the wrong address and go hide it from everyone around you. We are the sane ones, of course, but there is no need to expose our lifestyle.
The holiday season should be one of pure joy, not one of embarrassment and strange glances. Don’t be ashamed to get in the spirit early. Embrace your childlike wonder. I would offer some more tips, but I have to go. The Claymation "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is starting.
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