And you call yourself an American. What's next, supporting chocolate eclairs and cricket to overtake apple pie and baseball as national symbols?
Rest assured, you can redeem yourself. As a special Valentine's Day gift, I've arranged to extend the voting window frame (and no, this isn't Missouri) by enclosing below, in this column, your very own ballot.
Here's how it works: Simply punch your chads, rip out this column and carelessly discard, just like it's one of those pesky advertisement centerfold inserts.
My editors, still guilt-ridden after bumping me last week in favor of senior class president platforms, have volunteered to pick up and count all your ballots. An imperfect system? Maybe, but can't be worse than Florida.
Anyway, vote away. And may the best joke (or is it joker?) win.
1) The next student body president will be:
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