Our Playtime Comes to an End

But now I wish to give something back. This last column belongs to you, readers. Here are a few excerpts from letters you've sent me throughout the semester.

I've answered most of you in private, but now I'll lay some of our dialogue out for the public.

No. 1: This Friday's column ("Join Me for an S&M Relationship?") contained many inappropriate sexual references, most notably the tasteless comment about damp panties and the rather disgusting analogy regarding a strawberry patch, and represented all that can go wrong with a direct application of freedom of speech. Also, I cannot understand how slander issues are avoided when the author can casually refer to the leaders of his hometown as bribe-accepting alcoholics who would commit a federal crime "at the drop of a dime."

I don't know why The Daily Tar Heel prints any of my trashy-ass shit. It's pretty fucking awesome.

Oh, and I stand strongly behind my assertions concerning Burnsville.

As a wee boy, I witnessed my Pa exchange pints of vodka for sheriff votes many times. There were investigations and stuff, but guess what? Men like my Pa work hard to keep certain political figures in power -- and it works!

No. 2: "So accept each other just as Christ has accepted you; then God will be glorified" (Romans 15:7). This, however, does not mean accepting the things that God ultimately condemns. "Now turn from your sins and turn to God, so you can be cleansed of your sins" (Acts 3:12-19).

Well, it's official: I'm going to burn in Hell.

But trust me, once I get there, it'll be one helluva party. I hope there are lots of cute guys ready for immoral acts of sodomy.

No. 3: I applaud your direct and honest attitude toward your sexuality. I'm gay and have come out to most of my friends and even my parents but still struggle with identity and placement in society. You are very brave, and it's people like you that make me feel better about being at this University and to be who I am.

And it is peeps like you that I fight for. There is much to be done, and I'm only getting started.

No. 4: I don't think that just because a woman fantasizes about being with another woman that she is automatically a lesbian. I think a lot of people just have curiosities about being in different relationships. It's exotic actually for me to picture myself with another woman since I am currently in a long-term sexual relationship with a guy.

If you ever need any help realizing your true sexual identity, I'm here fer ya.

Maybe you're attracted to men and women. Labels aren't that important.

Instead, it's the freedom to explore sexuality that I'm concerned with. Let's work to lift the social restraints against same-sex desires.

No. 5: All faggots are sick perverts. Years ago homosexuality was defined as a psychiatric disorder. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case. I hope that society will come to its senses and homosexuality will attain its proper definition so you and your sick friends will be urged to seek help. You mentioned if one had a kid who was homosexual that one may give more consideration to the matter. If I have a child who turns out gay, I will disown him.

If you're going to send me hate mail, please have the balls to sign your name. But you're obviously not very bright, so perhaps remaining anonymous is a good idea.

No. 6: My friends and I are wondering something. Based on your picture and the most recent article about a lesbian, I am the only one who believes that you are a woman. My friends think that you are a man on the other hand.

Some of the most beautiful people I know are lesbians. Judging from the photo above, people have told me I make a cute dyke. But seeing as how I'm a gay male, this column has done nothing for my dating life!

No. 7: I think you are, by far, the most interesting editorial writer for the DTH this semester -- perhaps because, like Madonna, you're shocking. But I think that's great. People need to be shocked and shoved outside their comfort zone.

Yes, we all need to be pushed beyond our limits. And if you think this semester has been uncomfortable for you, imagine what I've been through.

It takes a great vulnerability to lay such personal thoughts and experiences out for the public eye.

But it's given me the chance to interact with some extremely bright peeps -- as well as some rather stupid cowards. Every experience is worthy, however.

So, we've gone beyond the climax folks.

And how liberating it's all been. But now, I must bid my adieu.

Bu-bye -- until we meet again, that is!

Cameron Mitchell is a junior journalism and mass communication major from Burnsville. Still not satisfied? For hot steamy action, reach Cameron at mitchel6@email.unc.edu.