When in the hell did this happen? Wasn't it just yesterday when I was the little freshman runt who thought finding a job was as easy as getting into politics with the last name Bush? Yup, even though these past four years have flown by, for those of us in the Class of 2001, time's just about up. But before we go, I just wanted to warn those of y'all who still have some years left in the Thrilla about a dreaded disease that has devastated thousands of Carolina students in the past and is sure to do so to countless others in the future.
This horrifying sickness that I speak of cannot be taken lightly. It's more contagious than any plague; it preys on the young and has even been known to ravage the most conscientious student. This malady destroys grade point averages, wrecks graduate school plans and, in extreme cases, can lead to alarming rates of afternoon alcohol abuse. That's right; I'm talking about senioritis.
The most dangerous thing about senioritis is that it attacks in stages. It doesn't engulf you all at once, but instead it slowly creeps into your life like that annoying kid in high school who always showed up at your house uninvited. To the untrained eye, senioritis can go undetected, as it's easy to deny that you are inflicted with the disease. I succumbed to senioritis sometime during my sophomore year, when I realized that I was already too overcome by the condition to make any changes.
But senioritis can be stopped; the key to defeating the ailment is in early detection. Had I known about the condition earlier, maybe I wouldn't be in my present perilous state. Here are the stages of senioritis. Maybe it's not too late for you.
Stage One: You stop taking classes before 11 a.m.
"Well, this class in my major looks pretty interesting, and I've heard a lot of good things about the professor, but it's offered at 8 a.m. I guess I'll just take basket weaving at 2 p.m. instead."
This stage tends to hit people early and often. I've never really been to campus before lunchtime, but from what my research assistants have been able to gather, there are apparently some people who actually take classes in the morning. If you aren't one of those people, beware, as the first stage of senioritis is upon you.
Stage Two: The dilemma of Pass/D/Fail vs. raising your GPA.
"So let me get this right, all I have to do is a get a C- and I get full credit for this course? Sweet, I'll see you at the midterm."
