Access Denied: Why You Have No Class

I tried to register this weekend for my classes and couldn't get anything I wanted! I wanted to try a cool physical education class, stay away from 8 o'clocks and take a couple of classes for my major. But the PE classes were closed, I ended up with an 8 a.m. anyway because the 10 a.m. I wanted filled up, and my major classes were all closed before I even got up! Any advice for next semester? -- R.V.

Registration is just a big pain for everyone. But, after two semesters of failing miserably to get what I wanted, I finally got it right this time. It took me 10 minutes to sign up for all my classes. Then I just sat back, sipped my coffee and listened to my friends curse the UNC system. Here's how I did it:

First of all, do the research. Do not get up 30 minutes before registration time to look for some open classes. Spend time beforehand looking through the online directory and talking to your adviser. Your tuition money pays for them to advise you, so take advantage.

Now, before you try to sign up for bowling and archery, you must realize that there are some classes that are almost impossible to get into unless you are a graduating senior. Bowling is basically reserved for seniors who don't like to sweat. So unless you want to wait a while, go with something marginally more active, like badminton.

Unfortunately, this principle also applies to some introductory major courses. I was flatly denied access to JOMC 53 and 88 this semester.

Apparently, as one adviser oh-so-nicely informed me, there are upperclassmen who have still not completed these classes. If you ran into these same problems, then all I can tell you is to hang tight, finish up those perspective requirements and wait for the intro classes to open up.

Also, remember that your whole class is signing up simultaneously.

So come up with some alternatives in case that class with only two open seats fills up too quickly.

Be ready with another class to make up for those lost hours.

Finally, and most importantly, get away from Chapel Hill. As we all know, the server has a tendency (it does it every time) to crash on the poor masses.

The trick is to get off of the UNC server, preferably on an outside cable modem. From there, you can grab those classes just as quickly and without a server crash.

And if none of that works to alleviate your registration problems, then there isn't much else I can tell you.

Just stay away from biology, chemistry and economics, don't take any math classes at 8 a.m., and always take classes with friends if possible.

They can help do the crossword.

Adam Shupe is looking forward to History of the Fig Leaf, Underwater Basket Weaving, and Mating Habits of the Goat. Send your baaaaad registration stories to him at shupe@email.unc.edu.