Eugene Kim
OutClassed At Baggage Claim
If you're watching DVDs you don't want your wife to know about, you might not want to give her your password." Ah ... timely advice from David Caulton, a Microsoft programmer. Of course, any respectable male would not want his wife knowing about his predilection for the "Sexy Sorority Sweethearts" series on DVD, complete with feature-length commentaries from the director, the producer and that lucky guy who holds the boom mike.
Mr. Caulton's sagely suggestion cautions the penis-wielding portion of the population of the perils of perusing porn. On the other hand, maybe it's not just porn he's talking about -- I'm not sure I'd associate with someone who enjoyed watching thrillers like "FernGully 2: The Magical Rescue."
What is more interesting here is the irony inherent within Mr. Caulton's brilliant snippet of wisdom. Mr. Caulton is expressing his concern for an individual's privacy -- whether you're watching boring, monosyllabic-dialogue porn or stupid no-plot sequels to pretty worthless to begin with movies -- what you watch, and essentially, what you do is your business. Hello, 14th Amendment.
The irony? David Caulton is the lead program manager for Windows Media -- this means he's in charge of making Windows Media Player, which now keeps track of the music and movies you play. Hence, his warning to you about not letting the wife know about the "things" that Microsoft diligently logs and (apparently) will not sell to interested parties.
There's no question about it -- we're getting screwed royally. Privacy is being squelched openly and blatantly by both government and corporations for, naturally, the most utilitarian reasons. The whole DVD thing really is a minor hit to privacy, though. Consider the surveillance network currently being set up in Washington, D.C., and while you're at it, make a note to address your tax returns this year to "Big Brother."
For the uninitiated, the D.C. network connects hundreds of surveillance cameras in and around public areas, including schools and monuments. Pretty soon, every single private surveillance camera -- in banks, hotels and apartments -- will be connected, creating a great eye, lidless, wreathed in nondescript grey plastic and blinking red lights.
The most disturbing thing about the end of constitutionally protected privacy as we know it is not that the FBI can now spy on tourists at the white marble towering penis that sits on the Mall. Rather, what's most disturbing is the D.C. police department's plan to use face recognition technology (FERET) in concert with the network. Of course, FERET will only recognize the bad guys.