Maybe You'll Vote, Probably Not Though

So why does no one care? Last year, only one-third of the undergraduate population here at UNC decided to cast a vote in the student elections. While last year's turnout showed marked improvement compared to previous years, we Tar Heels have yet to surpass even the pitiful voter turnout that the rest of America, the world's ferocious democracy defender, suffers from.

The cause of anemic voter turnout for student elections is further complicated by the sheer lack of effort it takes to vote. With voting available online, students can vote in about the time it takes a skilled ninja to swallow a live gopher. Admittedly, we are not skilled ninjas, nor do we swallow small furry rodents whole, but we can still take 30 seconds out of our day to cast our vote in the name of the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution and a real passionate hope that tuition isn't on the up and up like a stoned Superman.

In the end, we will more than likely not take that 30 seconds out of our day to participate in the most holiest of rites of the civil religion known as democracy. Some will deem voting "not worth their time" while they puff mindlessly on their cigarettes (lights, and mighty tasty!), cruising on their crash course to more life-threatening ailments than you can shake a cancer stick at. Others will claim that they are "too busy" to vote, probably because it would conflict with catching up on the latest misadventures of those six loveable 20-somethings in the white-upper-middle-income-earning-only city of New York.

But what is the real cause for the lower turnout than Mormons to a strip club?

Shame. Pure, unadulterated, 100 percent disgrace and humiliation. Oddly enough, this would also be the reason why no one seems to care about this year's Winter Olympics in Mormonville. At least, it's the reason why I couldn't care less.

The opening ceremonies for the Olympics are usually uninspiring at best. Last Friday however, not only were the ceremonies not exciting at all, but they were a shock and an embarrassment, so much so that I felt unabashedly ashamed for America. And I'm not even American.

The organizers for the opening ceremonies managed to belittle Native Americans and immigrants, gloss over glaringly large issues in U.S. history and put on such an unsightly spectacle that the rest of the world thought it was witnessing a "Best of Hee-Haw" compilation. Who was inspired to watch the rest of the Winter Olympics after that disgrace, partially on ice?

Definitely not me.

So how does this relate to today's student elections? While there's been no equivalent egregious blunder to Friday's opening ceremonies made by the candidates, UNC students and potential voters feel ashamed nonetheless. This is because, at least where the election of student body president is concerned, the very platforms offered by the candidates are more abstract than a painting done by Kandinsky whilst all hopped up on a handful of angel dust.

What students want is concrete plans for action -- they want to know that student body president candidates have actual ideas regarding important issues, as opposed to lame and vague notions about garnering student input.

What person who steps foot on our Piedmont-bricked campus doesn't already know that keeping tuition low and affordable is a student concern? Or that lack of parking is a perennial issue? And that the security of fraternity and sorority houses during school breaks and holidays is at the top of every person's list of "things I have to worry about once pledging is over"?

Not that you should not vote -- but you probably won't. The field of student body president candidates is no Olympic opening ceremonies, but we're uninspired and ashamed nonetheless. Why vote for any of the candidates when you're just as well off voting for Jeff Danford, a good American who can mouth the words "more student input"?

Eugene Kim, despite his shame and his F-1 visa status in the United States, will probably take 30 seconds out of his day today and vote online at studentcentral.unc.edu. You can let him know your feelings about student elections by e-mailing him at chinook@email.unc.edu.