Barometer

The Poop-Mobile

Radical Rush

UNC radicals are trying to recruit students for their cause with events like a progressive party and a teach-in. This is just one of the ways the University makes Sen. Jesse Helms, R-N.C., proud.

New Kid in Town
A new SuperTarget might replace the now vacant South Square Mall. Great. This will just open up Durham to gang warfare as Wal-Mart will no doubt take offense to Target frontin' on its turf.

Early Present
UNC-Greensboro faculty are raising money to give staff a Christmas bonus. Later in the year, they'll start knitting puke-green sweaters for students.

Tar Heel Quotables

"In 20 years, people will look at Carrboro as the beacon, and they will follow us."

Carrboro Alderman Joal Broun

About annexing parts of the Horace Williams tract. Yes, people will follow Carrboro -- much like lemmings off a cliff.

"Having to dodge fists is what hinders the game experience."

University Police Maj. Jeff McCracken

On increased security at this weekend's football game. Exactly. But what enhances the game experience is when you're the one throwing the fists instead of dodging them.

"We anticipated to find substantial problems, but we were surprised at the magnitude of the problems."

Emory Professor Richard Crosby

On a study that found 30 percent of students put condoms on wrong. Heh, Heh. He said "magnitude."

"I'm worried. I don't want to work at McDonald's."

UNC Senior Adam Miller

Concerning his ongoing job hunt. What about if it was a choice between McDonald's or University Massage?