Guys might not understand that feminism is here to stay

After a brief discussion with two of my favorite boys earlier this week, I was struck by the proverbial epiphany: Guys just don't get it.

At least, they don't get feminism. Most of them.

It probably would be sufficient to say that the average American 20-something male does not understand a women's movement for equality in this day and age. And in saying that, I'm not making a negative generalization.

For the most part, the guys that I know and love grew up in the '80s. They are the products of dual incomes, single moms and divorce. Their sisters played softball and took shop class.

The majority of the women in their lives could drive, vote and even hold office. There were female doctors, police officers and pilots, just as there were male nurses, baby-sitters and teachers.

From the guys' perspective, things are looking pretty good. And it might seem that things are getting better.

When they think of the term feminist, a stark image comes to mind. They imagine shaved heads, flannel shirts and protests. They picture us stomping down the street in our combat boots with bras burning and banners waving.

But just as the term "feminism" isn't one-dimensional, neither are feminists. We are not some monolithic entity. We might be boots and tattoos, but we're also stilettos and lip gloss. Therein lies the beauty.

I've got news for you: Feminists are everywhere.

They're your mothers, your sisters and your friends. They're the cute girl in your political science recitation and the cocktail waitress by the bar. They're our leaders, our teachers and our future.

And what do we want? What could we possibly still be looking for in 2004?

I've got one word for you: progress.

It's the fact that you unintentionally take for granted just how far women have come in the past century. It's the fact that you don't have an opinion on abortion because it's not your body. The fact that you buy into over-exaggerated media standards and stereotypes.

Women's rights are everyone's rights. Feminism is about recognition, empowerment and choice.

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines feminism as "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes."

It's about earning as much interest, as much money and as much respect.

As writer Rebecca West famously stated, "I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."

Perhaps herein lies the problem.

How can men understand what feminism is if we can't? Without the definition, the experience or the frame of reference, how can they acknowledge what is or isn't there?

At the opening of "Manifesta," Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards dedicate their book to "those of our generation who say, 'I'm not a feminist, but ...' and others who say, 'I am a feminist, but ...' - with the faith that young women will transform the world in ways we haven't yet imagined."

Feminism is an abstract. It's about limitations and possibilities - where we have come from and where we are going.

Feminism is owning your body and your mind. It's about sacrifice and choice. It's not always easy, and we don't expect it to be. We're not looking for compliance or tolerance - we're looking for satisfaction and acceptance.

Poet, novelist and essayist Marge Piercy once stated, "I will choose what enters me, what becomes flesh of my flesh. Without choice, no politics, no ethics lives. I am not your cornfield, not your uranium mine, not your calf for fattening, not your cow for milking. You may not use me as your factory. Priests and legislators do not hold shares in my womb or my mind. If I give it to you, I want it back. My life is a non-negotiable demand."

It sounds serious. It is.

Women's issues are everyone's issues. They're your issues. Please take the initiative to learn about them and to have an open mind.

Women might account for half of the population, but the road ahead is long and the glass ceiling is heavy. We can't achieve equality under a guise of ignorance. It's easy to make generalities and to jump to assumptions and conclusions.

Maybe you'll understand what "feminism" is when we don't have to say it any more.

Contact Emily Batchelder at ebatchel@email.unc.edu.