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The Daily Tar Heel

Law survives 'Alfie' wreck

Correction
Due to a reporting error, the Nov. 11 article "Law survives 'Alfie' wreck" states that Jude Law was married to Mary-Louise Parker.
It was UNC alumnus Billy Crudup who actually was married to Parker.

Oh, Alfie. He's incredibly gorgeous, charming, gorgeous, smooth and - oh yeah - gorgeous.

Jude Law stars as the raunchy heartbreaker in this remake of the 1966 "Alfie," but by the end of the film, it becomes apparent that gorgeous just doesn't cut it anymore.

The movie follows the ultimate playboy Alfie, a Brit-turned-struggling-Manhattanite, working for a limo company and sexin' up the women of NYC.

This updated version is another failed case of Hollywood directors and screenwriters trying to put a modern spin on an old movie.

Come on, Tinseltown. When will you learn enough is enough already?

The audience gets to watch Alfie be a male whore for an hour and forty minutes, having sex with the token single mother, (Marisa Tomei), and his best friend's girlfriend (Nia Long).

And of course he has a go with Sienna Miller and Susan Sarandon just to keep things interesting.

The idea behind "Alfie" is that he is just so incredibly irresistible and wonderful that he has to be careful who he lets get attached to him. It's a classic tale of the boy who could have it all but just can never commit, throwing away his women like they're last week's lunch.

There's not a single character that anyone in his or her right mind can pity. All of the girls in the movie are just blind and stupid for falling for him - sorry, but no sympathy here. The characters lack depth, and the leading man is without a heart or conscience.

The movie would not even begin to make sense if it wasn't set in New York City. After all, everyone there is crazy anyway. No one seems to have any real commitments in life -- just a lot of drugs, sex and partying.

Perhaps one could even go as far to say that the whole movie is completely devoid of an actual plot. Instead it's just a string of random Alfie events: See Alfie. See Alfie make girl like him. See Alfie have sex. See Alfie screw up. See Alfie run.

As the movie ends the audience is supposed to feel bad for poor, poor Alfie. That's right, the world should feel bad for slut-bag Alfie because he can't learn to be happy with his women and so now is all alone.

If that's not a tearjerker then the whole Hollywood formula is completely screwed.

And don't forget that this is the movie set where Jude Law and Sienna Miller fell madly in love. Jude Law has since left his real-life wife, Mary-Louise Parker (who was pregnant with his kid). Someone was taking his role a little too seriously.

So here's a thought Hollywood: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And for God's sake don't do a remake if the original was bad enough to start with.

Contact the A&E Editor at artsdesk@unc.edu.

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