Embrace your inner network

Some time this summer, around 9:55 p.m. Sunday night, I was speaking on the phone with a friend, who recently moved to Florida. He was confronting the loneliness that comes with moving to a new place.

Sitting in my living room, waiting for a timer to go off and the HBO logo to appear on my TV, I knew exactly what would cheer him up.

"No matter how difficult it may be, no matter how lonely you may get," I said, "at least Ari Gold will still be there to tuck you in every Sunday night."

"Not anymore," he replied despondently. "I can only afford basic cable."

Shocked and, admittedly, somewhat disgusted that I knew someone whose love for the slimy Hollywood agent from "Entourage" did not justify sacrificing a few meals here and there, I hung up immediately and ran to give my cable box a reassuring hug.

As I stood there, clinging to what my roommate refers to as our Chapel Hill mom, I began to think - Are there others like my friend out there? People who only pay for basic cable?

I finished hugging it out with the cable box and did a little research. It turns out there are quite a few people who don't pay for HBO, and they've actually beaten the system.

Who knew? It seems the greatest series on TV right now are coming not from the only premium channel cool enough to bring us a suburban gangster with a jones for ducks, but on - I never thought I'd say this - ABC.

"Lost" is ABC's "Sopranos." It is an intricately plotted drama that pays as much attention to character development as it does to its baffling mystery. For those who missed season two's premiere Wednesday, I suggest you sell your souls to the suits at ABC in exchange for a bootleg copy.

To sum up its awesomeness, when the episode ended and the title appeared on screen accompanied by the show's signature "boom," my roommate turned to me and said, "I'm pretty sure nothing that isn't porn is supposed to make me feel like I want to get intimate with my TV."

Though no viewing experience - not even porn - has yet to have that kind of effect on me, "Lost" is certainly the series that comes the closest. I need to know what's going on in that hatch the way I need my parents to send extra cash so I can afford to buy the first season on DVD.

And "Lost" isn't ABC's only golden cash cow. Sundays at my house are reserved for "Desperate Housewives" and "Grey's Anatomy," two soapy - but smart - dramedies starring people more beautiful than anyone you'll meet in your entire life. (Sorry.)

I've yet to get truly enthusiastic about "Housewives," mostly because Marcia Cross is scary, but the casting director for "Grey's Anatomy" should be canonized for putting together one of the most likeable ensembles on television.

For further proof that network is the new cable, check out Fox, which finally got a clue and brought back "Family Guy." It's still good, but those pesky meddlers at the Federal Communications Commission have kept the cartoon from achieving its past highs (or lows).

However, thanks to those frisky housewives on Wisteria Lane, one can daily feel the effects of Boobgate wearing off the zeitgeist, and pretty soon, we can expect Stewie and company to start offending someone besides your conservative grandma.

Even CBS - for years, TV's equivalent to a Florida retirement community - is entering a market on which cable has long had a stranglehold: the funny sitcom that appeals to people under 50.

So, to the people like me who thought the basic cable types were some of the most misguided souls among us, I encourage you to try something new. Leave the dial turned to single-digit channels. You'll be amazed at how cool it is to watch network TV these days.

 

Contact John Coggin at jcoggin@email.unc.edu.