Kvetching board for Sept. 18

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Dear boyfriend’s friend: I DO NOT HAVE SWINE FLU! But it would be worth getting just to give it to you.

To the guy listening to “The Lion King” soundtrack in the UL at 1 a.m.: The hyenas weren’t the only ones laughing.

Wait, Greek kids using cocaine? Who ever would have guessed?

Sophomore in my running class:  We don’t want to know which girl you want to give you oral sex.

Hey, your Chacos make your cankles stand out.

Dear Jasmin Jones: I want to be the Marilyn Monroe to your JFK.

To the boy in my lab jamming out to Hannah Montana with your headphones in: We could all hear.

To every boring, unoriginal person whose kvetch looks like this: I hate you.

To the freshman who hated on condom access on the DTH opinion page: Enjoy your eternal virginity! I’ll be having safe, consensual sex and, no, you can’t watch.

Why are all the attractive people communists?

Dear girl in McDonald’s parking lot: It’s okay, I urinated there too.

To the sorority girl who was offended that the ambulance didn’t give you the right of way: You’re stupid.

To my roommate who asked for condoms after I told her I was Catholic: It’s a shame you’re too blonde to understand the irony.

To the girl who pronounced H1N1 the “hiney” flu: I hope you get it.

To the girl complaining about fraternity hickies: If you don’t want a souvenir, then don’t ask to see the gift shop.

To the Davis Library doors: please decide if you’re automatic or not. I look like a fool every time I approach you.

To the girl vigorously stabbing your notebook with your pencil in Davis while you’re surrounded by people trying to study: WTF?!?

To the white girl in the v-neck tee and Carolina blue running shorts: Not you, the other one … Oh no, wait … There are a THOUSAND of you.

Hey, DTH and Kvetchers: I’m straight on fire, yo!!

To the men of Rams Head Rec: As much as I love basketball, shirts versus skins games should be for those under 60. Sincerely, Indoor Track Runner.

For a campus full of virgins, there certainly are a lot of letters to the editor about sex.

To the guy playing World of Warcraft in Chem 261: I will take my organic friends over your magical ones. Where will that priest be when you’re studying for our exam?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to editdesk@unc.edu, subject line ‘kvetch.’