Kvetching board for Sept. 25

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain.

Hey Wilcox: Why don’t you try “natural male enhancement” pills for a bit while I mull over the so-called “natural female enhancement” of heels and make-up?

To my girlfriend: When I said, “dinner on me,” I meant I’d pay for our meal; it was NOT a cue for you to send me texts about eating food off my body.

C-TOPS should offer a session for incoming freshmen on “Proper Use and Abuse of UNC Listservs.”

Five arrested Greeks = five fewer teal shirts in the stands Saturday. Thanks, Chapel Hill Police!

Dear girl I ran screaming at: I am sorry. You are obviously not the person the scream and hug were meant for. Please don’t drop out.

To the guy who licked his Zone Bar wrapper in class for a good five minutes on Tuesday: I think you got it all.

Teriyaki chicken with fried rice is Native American? Really, Lenoir?

To the white boy in the inappropriately short chino shorts and the pastel colored oxford: Not you, the other one … Oh no, wait … There are a THOUSAND of you.

Really, gay pride. A unicorn? Why not a dragon? At least that fake animal is FIERCE!

Is it possible for someone hot and awesome to be asexual? And if so, why, God, why?!

ENST 202 professor: I have no idea what you’re lecturing about — just take your clothes off already.    

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.come, subject line ‘kvetch.’