kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
What could be better than waking up to the sight, sound and smell of sewage seeping into my room twice in three days?
Dear Alpine: It’s not your fault, but I just ate the wax paper.
To the guys in my lab: Stop lying to yourselves. Your relationship has moved beyond a bromance.
Dear suitemate: It’s sad that the highlight of my day is when I DON’T see you naked.
To the dirty, old underwear on the sidewalk in front of Peabody: Where did you come from, and why are you still there?
“What he lacks in girth, he makes up for in length” — Seriously, basketball announcer?
To the girl on the phone in the Cabaret yelling out her symptoms: I’m no doctor, but I advise you to take a pregnancy test ASAP.
To the girl who asked our chemistry professor if she would get an A in the class if she got a 100 on every exam: I don’t think you need to worry about perfect scores.
You know it’s a great Valentine’s Day when you try to buy the $5 reject roses for yourself and Trader Joe’s rejects your credit card.
To the girl with the purple coat, shoes and hair: Stop stealing my style. Love, Barney.
Is it really a surprise that the guy in the dorm most obsessed with ChatRoulette has a pornstache?
If half the people that kvetch about someone being so beautiful would just go up and actually say it, that New York Times article might have read very differently.
DTH: You reject me more than the entire male gender ever has. Why must you demolish my self-esteem each Friday morning?
To my chemistry TA: Could you grade as nicely as you look?
To the boy wearing American-flag pants on Monday: Thank you for reminding us all of Presidents Day in your own unique way.
To the girl at Rams Head putting ice cream in her to-go box: Really?
Wow, DTH. Looks like Candice gives you a Woodcock judging from the size of the picture in last week’s paper.
To the girl with the head lamp during the blackout: Were you just spelunking in your room?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
