Kvetching Board for Feb. 5, 2010

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

It took more time to deliver my sandwich than it did for the Titanic to sink.

To my boyfriend and roommate: Can I not walk into my room without finding you on his back … on my bed?

Dear roommate: If you are going to spend every waking moment in our room

canoodling on the top bunk with your boyfriend, can you at least let me join in every once in a while?

To the guy at the gym yelling “YOU CAN DO THIS!” to himself on the treadmill: Are you this vocal in bed?

Dear Koury elevator: Every time I step into you, I feel I am risking death because Cherie Berry has not approved of you.

To the automatic flushing toilets in Lenoir: I’m not done yet.

I can’t even be mad the girl next to me is blaring “Defying Gravity” in the library because it is the Glee version … Mad respect.

To the girl in the crowded

hallway who ran into the trash can and insisted on turning around and cursing it out: I think we all know who won that fight.

Dear rugby girl: Stop being so damn attractive. I am tired of questioning my sexuality for you.

Dear Pit Stop girl: Stop being so attractive. You’re making me waste all my money.

To the guy who stopped on Stadium Drive to fix his hair in a parked SUV’s back window with a pink hairbrush: Really?!

To the girl on her phone in Davis: When you go under the table, we can all still hear you.

To the girl with the Kim Possible ringtone in the library: You are awesome.

Dear girl in my First Year Seminar: I can’t believe you’ve never seen/heard of Star Wars. We can no longer be friends.

Dear roommate: I did not think that Pandora had bad music. Thank you for proving me wrong.

Yo snow plowers! I’m really happy for you, and I’mma let you finish … No, seriously. Finish plowing the roads.

To the Lenny Kravitz

look-alike: How about you use the skateboard instead of using it as a prop to get groupies …stick to your guitar.

To the builders of Dey Hall: You know a building is poorly constructed when you have to wait in line to get out.

To the kvetcher who watches Lenoir employees: Why do you count how many times someone shakes it at a urinal?

Dear John Grisham: I know you are a renowned and successful author, but in light of recent events, we would like to invite Snooki to be our graduation speaker instead.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’