Girl: “Can someone tell me why PBR is so hipster?”
Boy: “Um, it won a blue ribbon.”
“Even now, I can’t read long books.”
Friend: “Well, you’re from South Carolina.”
“That was like dancing with a giraffe!“
“It’s kind of disappointing. My mom’s name is Debbie, and my grandma’s name is Nancy. Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy. I just want to be happy.”
“I mean, I would definitely tell you if I had a one-night-stand with Chuck Norris.”
“I’ve just started assuming that everyone loves me and everyone wants to be me.”
Girl: “How are you doing today?”
Boy: “Well, I’ve been over-sexualizing things. So it’s been good.”
“This might be kind of out there, but if I were to have an alternate lifestyle, I would be a drug lord. At least until I was caught or shot. It would have to be a pretty big personality shift, but it would be fun.”
“So, I yelled at her, ‘Ma’am,’ -— doing the whole southern thing. You know.”
“I’m not going catch that in my mouth. It’s going to be messy.”
“I asked her friend what happened afterwards. And she said she thought I was gay … until I kept paying for things … It happened again. Again, I kept paying for things, and she was like, ‘damn, I’m on a date.’”
“No, I want a real fish. I want a fish I can hold.”
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“You can’t really hurt my feelings by calling me a hooker. “
“We had a worm named Ke$ha.”
“It’s not exactly black metropolis here.”
“I was promoting diversity! I made out with an Indian chick!”
Girl: “How does everyone feel about vests?”
Boy: “It’s like the thong of coats… I much prefer full coverage.”
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