ONCE UPON A TIME, a greeting card company wanted to make more money off of lovelorn suckers, and thus, Valentine’s Day was born. Or so the folklore goes. But don’t let our sarcasm get you down — whether you’re a dour cynic or a sugar-coated, candy heart romantic, this week’s Dive is your guide to suffering or smooching through this controversial holiday. If you’re catching a flick with the object of your affection or drowning your sorrows in a box of drug store chocolates, check out our picks for dates, movies and songs and wallow or swoon to your heart’s content. Single or taken, the month of February has its fair share of cringe-inducing cuteness, so read on for a much-needed reprieve.
Entertain your date
If you’re wooing the Carolina girl
As you escort her from Granville to La Residence, fling a fleece over her shoulders. It says consideration but projects affection. She had Busch and Burnette’s last night, so treat her to some Smirnoff and she’ll be smitten. Stroll through McCorkle, but be wary of attempts to sit under Davie Poplar. — Joe Faile
If you’re wooing the cheap date
In preparation, check the paper and the Internet for restaurant coupons. On the day of the date, save gas and leave the car behind. Walking is far more romantic anyhow. Follow up your discounted dinner with a three-dollar movie at the Varsity and a moonlit stroll back to his or her place. — Tom Bodo
If you’re wooing the intellectual
Your summer abroad has put you in touch with other cultures, so share some “authentic customs” you learned for sharing affection with your date. Close the night with “Dr. Strangelove” and remind her that Chaucer was the first person to have a written record of Valentine’s Day. — Lyle Kendrick
If you’re wooing the music lover
