Kvetching board for February 11, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

All those in favor of Brooklyn, say aye! All opposed … say neigh?

Wanted: Fellowship of nine to take back Larry Drew’s championship ring and cast it into the fires of Mordor.

To the baseball player in front of me in class that got a D on your paper: guess they took away y’alls tutors as well.

Hey yo DTH, How about a visual aid for Thursday’s vagina column?

Dear Fratmaster, We appreciate your efforts at creativity, but cowboy boots do not go with
backwards baseball hats. Ever.

It hurts, but let’s be real. Nothing could have prepared our freshmen for the shockwave of blinding ugliness at Duke. At least next month they’ll have us sexy fans to counteract the horror.

To my ex-girlfriend who did not get me anything for Christmas: Go to Student Health and find out what I really “gave” you. XOXO.

Dear Deanna Santoro, While I like to believe your resignation was driven by a sense of justice, I have a sinking feeling this instance will only serve as a nice story for your law school personal statement.

Feminists, if it is that important to you why don’t you change it to personopause?

To this kvetch column: Congrats on being overly full of election and Duke related complaints. Hope next week is better for you!

With all the lawsuits, hearings, and press coverage, it almost makes it seem as if the student body
president actually does something.

Thank you Brooklyn Stephens for being the only SBP candidate who chose to ride an animal rather than behave like one.

Dear frat stars in the restroom: No I was not doing a coke check, but maybe I should next time?

Hey cute girl at Student Stores, I’ve seen you do the Sudoku’s, if you have any problems with the
numbers next time I’m in there I’ll just give you mine.

We have a supreme court?

Class project group: I’m leaving the team mid-semester, but instead of telling you directly I’m going to have my dad call the professor to inform him that the project is no longer in my best interests.

To the guy in the chem library watching porn: Turn your laptop away from the window.

Sorry, Brooklyn Stephens. I just wrote in a vote for your horse.

Being a vegetarian in Lenoir is like being a girl at Carolina — the options suck.

Hey Ian, how good is the DTH in bed?

Alert Carolina, you gave me the illusion of a social life for an hour Monday. You may have saved my life.

CBS Sportscaster, stop referring to Barnes and Marshall as “freshmen.” Did you learn nothing from the Ingram BOE hearing?

To the business major who asked, “Who is DowJ and why is he down?” There’s still time to change majors.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’