Kvetching Board for April 1, 2011

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To the girl who started crying on her way out of the
advising building: Walking through a campus tour group may not have been the best advertisement for UNC.

To all the State kids who complained to your newspaper about the comical flyer we posted all over your campus Sunday night: Quit your whining and do what any self-respecting student would do — try to prank us back.

There are some things in the world that you are better off not knowing. Your suitemate having sex in your bed with a girl from ECU while you were away for the weekend is one of those things.

The Order of the Golden Fleece? No thanks, I’d rather be in the Order of the Phoenix. Sincerely, Sleazy for Weasley.

Does UCLA even recruit anymore or do they just rely on UNC’s sloppy seconds?

To the Davis security guards I found snooping through my “College To-Do List”: Don’t judge me, I’m number 273,615 on the waiting list and my petite lap giraffe is going to be adorable.

Announcing to the entire room that your ex is two seats behind you and then having a conversation about it in Chinese is not the best way to handle an awkward situation.

How many times can I hear “That’s what she said” after comments about how wet it is outside?

To the guy in Winston who always pukes up pastel colored vomit in the bathroom: I am starting to think that you are more Muppet than human.

To the guy sitting next to me in HIST 127: If you have to Google “define: fornication,” you’re not doing college right.

Math 521 is too hard at UNC. Do you think it would be easier if I transferred to UCLA?

To the Campus Health pharmacist who gave me someone else’s antidepressants in the bag with my birth control: Did I really look that sad?

Aye yo girl, sorry I didn’t say hey when you walked past. Next time, don’t hide 85 percent of your face behind those huge ugly sunglasses.

I’m not sure what was more awkward: sitting in a dark bathroom after somebody cut the lights off on me, or having to still be sitting there when the next guy came in.

I just want to say thank you to all the guys who tan in the quad with their shirts off, it makes it so easy for me to tell who the tool bags are.

Hey Roger Perry: Greeks do “game the system.” Duh … #winning.

Of course everyone in my Chem lab would be playing Humans vs. Zombies.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’