You’re not good enough. Nobody is going to love you. You’re a failure. Nobody likes you. You’re nothing. You’re a nobody. There’s nothing special about you. You have no chance of making it in this world. You’ll never amount to anything.
These are the messages that we receive each day. I know how much they hurt. I’ve been told them all.
And I’m not alone. One in seven students in grades K-12 is a victim of bullying. Overall, 71 percent of students report bullying as an ongoing problem. Nationally, discrimination claims rose by 7.1 percent in 2010. Everywhere you look, discrimination and bullying are on the rise.
Discrimination hurts. It tears you apart. It makes you question the world and your place in it. As traumatizing as it can be, we can only move past acts of discrimination by loving ourselves and accepting others. In this series I will explore these topics, beginning with helping you to appreciate yourself.
Often in acts of discrimination, individuals forget that they deserve respect. Many times events go unreported because people feel they have done something to warrant their mistreatment. We all have a right to be treated with dignity, and we are worthy of respect. Discrimination has less to do with the victim, rather it is a mix of ignorance and apathy within the perpetrator. Keeping your values in mind, despite what others may tell you, helps you to move past these situations.
It is difficult, but when discriminated against, it is paramount to keep your superego in check. The superego, the part of our psyche which regularly monitors how we are perceived socially, is readily attacked by acts of discrimination. The goal is to not internalize the negative messages. Instead, focus on your strengths and abilities. Accentuating the positive leaves no room for the toxic messages. Once you establish a true sense of confidence, no one can take that away from you.
The goal of discrimination is to devalue, demoralize and disintegrate. Empower yourself by doing something about discriminatory acts. For example, reporting offensive acts, explaining the harm in slurs or jokes to people that use them, and even writing articles such as this one, allow you to affect change. Doing these things truly helps to move past discrimination by helping to bring an end to these offenses. Remember you have power in and after these events.
Keeping this power in mind can help you to develop what I call the bird’s eye view. Imagine a bird flying high looking down at a mouse running through the grass. The bird is able to see everything: where the mouse was, is, and is going. The bird is able to put the mouse’s journey into perspective, but the mouse can only see where it is now. If you develop a bird’s eye view, you can put your life into a larger framework which allows you to rise above life’s obstacles.
Self-worth is a critical part of our emotional and psychological health. We face discrimination daily, but our self-esteem doesn’t have to be set by negative messages. Always strive to be a first class you, not a second class someone else. That’s the secret to loving and living.
