Maybe you’ve had this happen to you. People love to discuss campus events with you once they find out you’re a UNC student. This was the common scenario I found myself in a few weeks ago at one of my favorite restaurants.
While waiting for food, I struck up a conversation with an older gentleman about the major headlines in the campus news. He seemed fascinated about the overwhelming budget cuts, quite intrigued about the football scandal and absolutely confused about the Psalm 100 case. After a spirited chat he took a moment and said, “You’re a well-informed black guy.”
The mention of my race made me take a step back. He must have noticed, as he offered, “It’s a compliment. You know what I mean.”
Unfortunately, I did know. He made a statement based on skewed assumptions.
Though caught off guard, I took the moment as a window of opportunity to think about why the comment hurt so much.
Old/Young. Short/Tall. Heterosexual/Homosexual. People are composed of multiple identities and qualities. The beauty of this is the sum is greater than the parts. The problem with the “compliment” is that it trivialized my identity by reducing me to one aspect of who I am. The gentleman at the restaurant was not accepting or appreciating me in my entirety.
A visceral need that we share is the desire to be accepted. With more than 6.9 billion of us on this planet, it’s easy to feel disconnected. Being empathetic to the unique and complex nature of others by not judging or discriminating allows you to truly appreciate them. The teens Tyler Clementi and Jamey Rodemeyer, who committed suicide because they did not get this acceptance, serve as clear and present reminders of acceptance’s importance to us all.
