Kvetching board for October 19, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Attention first-years: Late Night with Roy is NOT an event when Roy Williams decides to eat at Rams Head.

LeBron is ring-less, the NBA is still in a lockout and Barnes is on the cover of USA Today. I think we all know who made the best “decision.”

To my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me blaming it on the male species: A) “male’” isn’t a species and B) blame it on your immaturity, not your level of testosterone (which isn’t that high).

To the campus tour guide who said, “My favorite part of UNC is that I get excited to study”: Isn’t lying a violation of the honor code?

Hey NBA, I’m stealing toilet paper from campus bathrooms and you’re complaining about how many millions of dollars you’re making? Bitch, please.

To the guy who said, “I can’t make it through the (Miami) game … I just peed on the sidewalk”: Look at your life, look at your choices.

To the fratstar who said “they’re ripe when they can’t drive yet,” after I mentioned that half of the girls in his house were actually high schoolers: You go get yourself some, and some statutory rape charges too.

To Occupy Chapel Hill: Why don’t we try to Occupy Kenan Stadium first?

Sometimes, I follow Quinton Coples around campus and pretend he’s my bodyguard. Please, judge me. I deserve it.

To Homegrown Halloween: Hasn’t anyone ever told you we don’t like it when you finish early?
I’m trying to think of a clever sexual metaphor so I can get my kvetch published. I guess it’s just too hard for me to do.

Dear all UNC athletes who suddenly have Beats headphones: I know how much they cost. So does the NCAA.

To those girls complaining about guys being picky: Maybe if you tried eating all that makeup, you would get a little prettier on the inside.

My computer programming teacher admitted to smoking pot “back in the day.” By that, I think he means he had some last night.

To the guy who dropped his Twix on the floor and then sighed: I wouldn’t trust the five-second rule on the UL carpet either.

If Tyler Zeller spent as much time practicing basketball as he practiced his dance moves, then consider us national champions.

To the person in Davis who stole my Econ textbook and notebook, but not my laptop, maybe you can use it to realize you’re an idiot.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’