Kvetching Board for October 28, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

@Mark Viser: I was going to call in zombies to lay siege to your office until we decided we could find better brains elsewhere.

Composites in Hummers, cones in trees, bras on libraries…yep, it’s hell week alright.

I’m only voting for Lee Storrow if he rides a horse through the pit.

Wide-ruled blue books!? Is this some sort of sick joke? Come on SBP candidates, you need to address the important issues.

To whoever identified both their gender and ethnicity as “Alien from Mars” in UNC’s official LGBTQ Campus Climate Report: Thank you for standing up for a crucial, yet underrepresented segment of the student body.

I view toilet paper ply a lot like UNC views a GPA: If it’s less than a 2.0, it is not in good standing.

Humans v. Zombies: Just adding to the list of ineligible men at UNC.
Austell got engaged?! Does he realize cargo shorts and a T-shirt aren’t appropriate wedding attire?

Dear College Republicans: being to the left of Mussolini doesn’t make you a “flaming, Marxist leftie.” Love, flaming Marxist leftie.

To the three guys smoking a bowl on the quad at 8:30 a.m.: isn’t it a little early…? And no, I will not swipe you into Lenoir.

To the professor who brought a rooster to class: Could you warn us next time before you pull your cock out?

Shouldn’t it be Zombies v. Humans? Surely the humans are the home team.

To the toilet seats of the UL—what bad breakup left you with such permanent scarring?

Bryn Renner takes longer to make a decision than a middle aged woman at the front of the line at Starbucks.

Hey Wolfpack: every time we think you hit rock bottom, you just keep digging—half-price basketball tickets on Groupon? WTF?

As a recent alumnus returning for homecoming, I’m pretty pumped about the Occupy Chapel Hill movement. We’re talking about the 99 percent of us who’ll be occupying the bars, right?

Next month is No Shave November, followed by Look Like Joaquin Phoenix December.

When people tell you that “you need to get out more,” they mean without bandanas and Nerf guns.

To the Manning Drive zombie group: In case you didn’t figure it out, I am not a human. But yelling “Oh s—-!” and sprinting away every night is my new favorite hobby. #ClosetNerd

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’