Kvetching board for October 7, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

No, it’s not a bomb that just fell out of my bag. It’s a tampon. But I guess if you’re the guy in my POLI class, it might as well be the same thing.

To the green convertible at Town House Apartments, I hope you don’t screw like you park, cause you’d never be able to get it in.

To all the UNC ladies wearing leggings as pants: If I wanted to see a tight end, I would date Nelson Hurst.

To my fellow black people: Can you guys please start eating the sushi at Lenoir? I’m a little tired of being the only brother in the sushi line.

Stop making jokes about Steve Jobs, it’s not PC.

To the girl with the initials “LSD” on her backpack: I now know what your parents were doing when they named you.

To the girl in my 400 level environmental class who began a sentence with “If you believe in climate change:” The climate is changing, and so should your major.

Someone should let Gary Birdsong know that screaming about the “pot-smoking, masturbating women” of UNC is only going to increase male enrollment.

To the cute boy with messy hair and a scruffy face, riding a bicycle, wearing rolled-up pants and Chacos and flannel and — never mind, there are too many of you for me to narrow this down.

Has anyone else walking through campus at 3 a.m. noticed how well the sprinklers water the bricks?

Dear New Boyz: I know we’re not supposed to take it the wrong way, but saying we look better with the lights off won’t get you any. That goes to the frat boy singing it to us last weekend, too. Sincerely, All girls.

3 tests and 4 papers: my soul is diminishing almost as quickly as my printing money.

I’m thinking about taking a trip to the Atlantic Coast.Which has better beaches, Pittsburgh or Syracuse?

Kvetching board? What’s wrong Tar Heels, couldn’t think of something more clever like “Ram Rants”?

To the girl next to me online shopping for lingerie: Do you want my advice? It’s a good look for you.

To the girl in the UL who was telling her boyfriend “of course I can easily break someone’s arm in half,” will you watch my stuff?

To whoever was doing lines of blow on the fourth floor of Davis: Your ballsiness is impressive, but next time please clean off the table when you’re finished.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’