Oh cool, that awkward moment when you realize you have been grinding with your TA all night.
I’m dating this guy named Davis. We go on dates until 2 a.m. almost every night. Then he makes me walk back, won’t even drive a girl home. Jerk.
To the girl outside of Hamilton who said finals start May 15th or 16th: You’re in for a rude awakening next week.
To the people sitting behind me: Why yes, I am on Pottermore during class. You better stop judging me before I learn this next spell…
To the guy who approached me in the quad to ask if I’d be interested in nude modelling for his “independent project”: Next time at least lie and say you’re an art major.
The only thing worse than your suitemates drawing on you when you’ve blacked out is your suitemates making it look like the Pit Preacher drew on you when you’ve blacked out. Very clever guys.
To the unicyclist I’ve recently seen rolling around campus: I desperately want to see you attempt that B-School hill.
To the guy I overheard in Murphey saying, “He is literally a piece of shit”: OMG, you know Mr. Hankey?
To all the people who want to raise awareness for something without bringing baby goats and bunnies: You’re doing it wrong.
To the reviewer of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”: have you ever read a Shakespeare play? It doesn’t have adult humor? Really?
You know it’s almost the end of spring semester when you have to shotgun two beers before even attempting to walk into Davis library.
To the woman in Rams Head asking the sandwich lady about the day’s “specialty meats”: Where exactly do you think you are?
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To the people playing Rock Band in the Union: 2007 called and they want their game back.
To the tall black guy who always wears UNC athletic apparel but isn’t on the basketball or football team: I see what you’re doing, and you aren’t fooling me.
To the students attending alternative commencement: To be fair, maybe the registrar’s office should award you with an alternative degree too. It will do a lot of good against the “capitalist system of power” in the real world.
Just because you duck your head under the table to answer your phone in the UL doesn’t mean we can’t hear you.
Best prediction of weather in Chapel Hill: Are the sorority girls wearing yoga pants or running shorts?
Okay, DTH. I don’t know how I’m on your listserv, but NO I do not want a position on your staff. ENOUGH ALREADY.
To the two guys with full-length ponytails casually working on their laptops two seats away from each other on the first floor of Davis: Way to play it cool, but we all know you should just high-five already.
Dearest Carolina: I will miss Chapel Hill in the spring, afternoons in the Pit and kvetches every Friday. I will not miss the Pit Preacher, pollen or that awful intercom voice in Davis.
Davis Library: A “Push to Operate” automatic door is like a “Walk to Operate” moving sidewalk.
To the girl reading erotic fiction on her computer during class: Now we know all about your strange fetish with cheese.
To the guy in my econ class who whipped out the University rule that professors can’t give tests five days before LDOC: I love you, and you are inspiration to all.
I’ve gathered two things from this school: First, there are a lot of homophobes. Second, there are even more gays. The second just kinda follows the first. Enjoy yourself.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line “kvetch.”
