Kvetching Board for July 5, 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

The Wendy’s in Carrboro is so slow at night, I feel like I’d get my food quicker if I just stood outside the Union and watched them build the new one.

Maybe we can get our senators to pass a law that the air temperature can never be higher than 85 degrees.

To the calorie conscious patron who only eats Wendy’s: your friend be hatin’. Pack on the pounds, hire an agent and switch to Subway’s. Jared is yesterday’s news.

CTOPers hopping onto tables in the pit at 11 p.m.: Next time you do this, you won’t be quite so sober.

Kvetches are just Mad Libs; here imma help y’all out. To the (demeaning adjective) (noun) (verb ending in “ing”) in (place), stop/please (verb), I (self-centeredness/sexual innuendo) and you (sarcasm).

To the guy dancing with the pool stick at Back Bar Saturday night: sweet moves, dude.

So who’s better, Spider-Man or Batman? I’m betting Bruce Wayne kicks Peter Parker’s butt at the box office.

Dear security guard, no I did NOT know that the Granville pool is closed at 1 a.m. Whoops.

To the girl who brought me home from TOPO, made me make her pasta and then kicked me out…seriously!?

To my roommate who thinks shooting fireworks off the front porch is a good idea: if our house explodes and we survive, you’re dead.

To my friend spending the summer in California: You just saw Tom Cruise in a coffee shop. Don’t complain about LA traffic.

You know it’s too hot when even your frat friends don’t want to go to Bob’s or He’s Not.

To my neighbor who made the sparkler bomb: It’s called a bomb for a reason. You probably shouldn’t light it near your mailbox.
To the man running down in sweatpants on Sunday: You must have a death wish.

To the roommate who blasted children’s music then opened the door butt naked: I’m gonna blame your crazy on the heat.

To my landlord: Don’t light the pool at night if you’re going to close it.

_Send your entries to
opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’_