Kvetching Board for Aug. 24, 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Uh, yeah. I’ll have a large order of waffle fries, but could you hand them to me over by the Subway in an unmarked bag? Thanks.

If the men in College Republicans looked anything like Paul Ryan, I’d give up my socialism-loving liberal ways before you could say “budget cuts.”

To my POLI 101 professor: You may want to see a doctor. Have them check for a pulse.

Of course I don’t mind putting away the laptop that the University requires me to have … who uses those for taking notes anyway?

News flash to the freshmen: posting your schedule on Facebook looking for any classmates will lead to never meeting these people or a really awkward moment when you do.

To the people who took my bagels in the Union, I know who you are.

To the girl in Bull’s Head plowing through a bag of bulk candy like you starved all summer: It’s too early in the semester to eat your feelings.

So with FallFest being canceled and a football postseason being impossible, can we just all agree this whole year shouldn’t count?

To answer the questions of the freshmen girls standing in front of me at Sunset Serenade: watching the Clef Hangers IS real life and no, I doubt you can get one to marry you.

Thank you freshmen for entertaining all of the upperclassmen with your futile attempts at finding a table for 5 or more at top of Lenoir on the first week.

UNC gets “Tar Heel Berry;” State just gets jelly.

To the freshmen using maps on your iPhones: we can still tell it’s a map. Might as well bust out your big paper one.
Hey, can you tell me where (insert mispronounced building name) is?

To the small child I saw crying in the middle of the walkway by Hamilton: we’re sad school started too.

Dear senior year: Thanks for turning me into an old lady. Now if only these young hooligans would quiet down and let me get to sleep at 10:30 p.m.

To all the upperclassmen making fun of us for not knowing our way around campus: Lay off, we just got here. Love, freshmen.

“A random fact about me is I hate when people ask for random facts about me.”

OK N.C. State, you can have your cows back now.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.