Kvetching Board for Sept. 14 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Just when I thought I could get away from sorority girl drama, it comes to the letters to the editor section. Nothing is safe.

To the girl drinking out of the bathroom sink in Rams at late night, I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to use the drink machines here.

Dear freshmen at country night, your washed off X’s aren’t fooling us. We’re all waiting to see you slip and face plant into quarter beer sludge.

To the girl in the elevator in Morrison asking for the second floor: I heard you, I asked twice because I didn’t believe you.

To our suitemates: Thank you for the subtle sticky notes you leave on our doors. Here’s a subtle one for you: Please get your weave out of the sink.

To the guy changing out of his cargo shorts in the UL bathroom: you made the right choice, if not at the right time. Stay classy.

To the girl who tied her frat daddy’s shoe outside Hanes; you’ve hit a new sorostitute low.

Oh I’m sorry bartender, but I don’t hook up with you to be charged $12 for shots.

To the person in my suite with hygiene issues: I know sh-t happens, but next time try to flush it.

Dear Alpine, thank you so much for closing at 10 p.m. Wendy’s coffee and bagels are just as good and the line is super efficient!

To the girls on my hall who took down my “Orgasm? Yes, Please!” flyer: Cum on, now!

All I wanted from the union renovations was a one-person bathroom. WHY CAN’T I POOP IN PEACE?!

I appreciate what you’re getting at, but I don’t think bestiality is the word you intended to use in lecture.

Dear whoever left your marriage certificate in the UL: do you want that back?

To the boy I saw brushing his teeth as I walked to class … you ratchet for that! It’s OK to be 2 minutes late to class.

To the guy on the Safe Ride T Friday night, I appreciate your generosity in assuring me that my life would be spared when you killed everyone on the bus, but please, seek counseling.

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) To use a university newspaper as a vehicle to be a terrifying, anonymous, leering creep. Example sentence: “Did you read my latest kvetch, where I just commented sociopathically on my attraction to a classmate to whom I’ve never spoken?”

To the old man masturbating to me eating soup at Panera: I’m sexy and I know it.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’