Kvetching Board for Sept. 28 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Guys, let’s give the CUAB a break. They haven’t had experience with something as difficult as handing out tickets because the concert last year was The New Pornographers.

To my summer fling: Check your math. You deflowered me, and I kicked you to the curb. Me-2 You-0.

To everyone who kvetched last week: please transfer to UCLA and sit out 1 year before kvetching again.

“UNC undergrads have an excellent knowledge of pedestrian laws and they do not have a death wish,” said no one ever.

Since when did Reggie Bullock transfer to ECU?

To the frat star behind me who asked who Frederick Douglass was: He’s like the Tucker Max of the abolitionist movement, bro.

To the girl performing fellatio on the guy in the men’s bathroom on the bottom floor of the UL early Monday morning. There was a water fountain right outside the door. Ya thirstay.

So, no more Thorpedo? Who’s gonna do all that chancelling???

To the professor of my 400-level chemistry class who just told us that we weren’t doing “real chemistry”: WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Hey DTH, your meme is bad, and you should feel bad.

To the guy dressed up like Britney Spears at 2 a.m. in Wendy’s: you ratchet.

That awkward moment when Hunger Lunch runs out of rice and makes lunch hungry.

Chacos are to Hipsters as Jack Rogers are to sorostitutes.

To my probability professor who told the class that drawing a blue ball from a jar was a success and a red ball was a failure. Blue balls are always a failure. A sad, painful failure.

To University Career Services, do the senior class a favor and just send all future job opportunities over the Business School listserv. We get it — they’re Beyonce and we’re those other two girls in Destiny’s Child.

To last weekends tailgaters with the ECU painted short bus, I legitimately cannot think of a better representation of your school.

Way to go UNC, we were rated as the college with the best sex life by Playboy despite having an active Quidditch team.

To the guy in the wheelchair wearing the “Life is Crap” T-shirt: you got me on that one. Hang in there, buddy.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’