Quickhits for Sept. 13, 2012

New ACC member

The Atlantic Coast Conference voted to incorporate Notre Dame as a non-football, non-hockey member of the ACC. Not quite sure what about South Bend, Ind., screams “Atlantic Coast,” but at least they’re decent at basketball. Tyler Hansbrough’s brother, Ben, went to Notre Dame, after all.

Davis 2.0

The new super-modern furniture on the second floor of Davis has definitely given the place a brand new feel. Don’t get me wrong, Davis is still a miserable, stressful place, but at least now you get to not understand any of your Calc textbook while feeling like you’re sitting in a SkyMall catalogue.

Mama Hansbrough

Speaking of Hansbroughs, the role of Ty’s mom, Tami, in the Kupec travel expense controversy is one of the strangest twists in recent memory. Remember how embarrassed you were when your mom came into your school? Now imagine your mom was going on romantic getaways with your vice principal…

Alpine sunset

So Alpine now closes at 10 p.m., which sucks for those of us who relied on Alpine to keep us going as we threw together a term paper. Some of you may retort that the Wendy’s in the Union is open 24 hours. But the awful, terrible coffee at Wendy’s just doesn’t compare to the awful, terrible coffee at Alpine.

Sirious letdown

After weeks of speculation, Apple finally released to the world its latest and greatest contribution to the advancement of mankind: the iPhone 5. Among its many new features are a slightly bigger screen, a slightly thinner case and … a new cord? Really? That’s it? They must’ve been busy suing Polish grocery stores.

Self-afromation

Please tell me you’ve seen the kid with the absolutely stunning afro on campus. You haven’t?! OH MY GOD, YOU’RE MISSING OUT. It’s perfectly spherical, and it makes its lucky owner look like he has a fluffy halo. And if you’re reading this, O Hair-God among Men, please don’t be embarrassed. Just let us touch it.