Kvetching Board for Oct. 5, 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Can the B-schoolers make themselves useful and please fix our Wendy’s?

To the guy on the P2P Friday night, thank you for informing us all that condoms do not work as water balloons. I’m not sure why you’ve tried it, but good to know nonetheless.

To the guy who complained about J. Cole coming: We’ll try our best to book Kidz Bop next year.

To the person that was hatin’ on the Quidditch team last week, I can’t help that the ladies love my broomstick.

To everyone rushing back into Lenoir after the fire alarm: it’s not like that “fire” is going to make your food taste any better.

To the guy who decided it would be a good idea to bang a gong in the Pit at midnight as I was walking back from the library: I LITERALLY almost crapped my pants…

If it rains as much this weekend as it did last, then the Kenan “White Out” on Saturday could set the record for: “Largest Wet T-shirt Contest!”

To all the girls who obnoxiously tweeted about #NationalMeanGirlsDay: Do you want me to butter your muffin?

To the football player who laid on the floor and took a nap today during class (snoring included): Pretending to be a student. You’re doing it wrong.

Can it really be considered hazing if what they’re throwing at you is a delicious Italian meal?

On a scale from 1 to space travel how high should you be to see the planetarium’s Big Bird show?

To the line of students that stood at the bottom of the Tar Pit for the entire Idaho game, I tip my hat to your unconditional school spirit and blatant disregard for pneumonia.

TOPO Vodka? Eff yeah. Probably tastes like GDI tears.

My Febreze can says that it “eliminates odors and freshens” but I’ve been spraying it constantly and Freshens is still here…

To the 12-year-old in my advanced quantum mechanics class: quit making this look easy. Physics majors have a rep to keep up.

To the basketball player I cut in line in Lenoir, I hope you’re more aggressive on the court this year than you were at the drink machine.

Just used the battery from my electric toothbrush to replace the battery in my vibrator. I really need to get laid.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’