Quickhits for Jan. 24, 2013

UNC basketball

So it might be a down year for men’s basketball at UNC, but the ladies in Carmichael have been absolutely killing it this season. At 18-1, the women’s basketball team leads the ACC and is deserving of far more attention than they’re currently getting. So get out there and go admire their fundamentals!

Crime on the streets

According to the very serious journalists over at TotalFratMove.com, an ECU fraternity house was busted for drugs after cops saw “several street signs” hanging on the wall through the window and “developed probable cause” to raid the house. Maybe the bros should’ve read the writing on the wall …

So help you, Beyonce

The revelation that Beyonce — easily the most important of Destiny’s children — lip-synced the National Anthem at Monday’s presidential inauguration caused the world to recoil in horror and decry her betrayal. It’s the greatest blow to American democracy since Aretha Franklin’s hat in 2009.

Rocked by a hurricane

Our friendly rivals down the road in Durham just couldn’t make it happen Wednesday in Miami, and we couldn’t be happier. We’re betting the reason is that Miami was too far away from the Plumlees’ charging stations and their backup fuel cells failed, leaving Duke without its two best cyborgs.

Climate, change!

This weather is a bunch of crap. It’s absolutely freezing out but then a forecast of snow turns out to be nothing more than a dusting. This is not OK. I want snow so deep you can’t open your door. I want snow so deep school’s canceled for a month. I want snow so deep Tyler Zeller would drown in it. I. Want. Snow.

Read Jagir’s column

Ah, student body president elections. A buncha rising seniors are trying to pad their law school resumes and all that stands in their way is bugging you to sign their petitions. Policy proposal: Replace signatures with slaps. To get on the ballot, each candidate must get slapped 1,250 times. Weeds out the weak.