Quickhits for Jan. 31, 2013

Young guns

UNC chemistry professor Alexander Miller was recently named to Forbes’ “30 Under 30” list for his work in “researching catalysts for use in the sustainable manufacture of next-generation fuels.” Innovation! Innovation abounds! Is this enough innovation for you, Holden? WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH?!

Thank you, sir…

According to coyote expert Lynsey Dasher, one way to prevent coyotes from harassing you and your pets is through “hazing.” Just be careful though, because while pledges may not be able to retaliate, throwing plates full of spaghetti at wild, carnivorous dogs is generally a poor idea.

A game of inches

Last week, a picture of a Subway “footlong” that only measured 11 inches went viral. Seeing a chance to right this truly heinous and barbaric deception by a sandwich restaurant, two New Jersey men filed a lawsuit against Subway for “deceptive practices.” And people say Americans are litigious…

Sleepy secretary

The Senate confirmed John Kerry this week as the new Secretary of State, replacing outgoing Secretary Hillary Clinton. When asked what her first order of business would be upon leaving the office, Clinton confessed to just “hoping to sleep in.” She’s really trying to appeal to the college voter, huh?

Are so! Am not!

Earlier this week, two student body president candidates filed complaints against two other student body president candidates for alleged campaign violations. The allegations include premature button-wearing and accidental sign-placing. Good thing no one thinks student elections are petty!

Mum’s the word

It was a mixed week for Carolina basketball, what with the blowout/comeback against N.C. State and the scary moment with PJ Hairston during the win at Boston College. I would write something optimistic here but last time I wrote about the women’s team they lost that night. Sooooooo…