Quickhits for Feb. 14, 2012

Fook Duck

So UNC didn’t win last night. Whatever. We all know it’s a rebuilding year. We all know that Duke’s team actually isn’t that good and will probably get bounced from the tournament by some uppity 9-seed from the Atlantic 10. But most importantly, we all know that…

WE GOT HEAD

Some true American hero outwitted the Dookies and managed to snag the Blue Devil head from it’s usual location in Coach K’s sex dungeo–I mean Cameron Indoor. The head was then placed on a pike medieval-style and displayed at Student Stores for all to see. I smell a yearly tradition brewing.

Titillating news

A bill cosponsored by Rep. Tim Moffitt in the N.C. General Assembly would criminalize public toplessness. In response, several groups have considered holding topless protests to show their disagreement. Looks like everything’s going exactly to plan. Tim Moffitt, you old dog, you.

Smackdown

The State Board of Education voted last week to oppose the use of corporal punishment in North Carolina schools. But the board has no authority to ban the practice, which is still used in nine of the state’s districts. Who on Earth still thinks its OK for a teacher to hit a child? Besides, y’know, gorillas.

Abstinence

Turnout for this year’s student body president race was lower than usual, and Carroll was nearly a ghost town when it came time to announce results. Seems to be that next to no one cares about these elections outside of the media. Which is good because now we have a whole ‘nother week of it!

Be still, my heart

Today is Valentine’s Day which sucks for everyone. If you’re in a relationship, you have to buy gifts and make cards and go out to eat and pretend like you’re extra in love. If you’re single, you have to see how much gin and Cheez-Its you can consume before crying yourself to sleep. FUN!