Singles: reclaim the Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day (or, how I used to adoringly call it, “Drink Until You Throw Up on a Happy Couple Day”)!

If you were like me in previous years, you understood that Valentine’s Day is the means by which the nefarious lobbying group Hallmark exploits people into feeling loved with heteronormative greeting cards and obesity-inducing chocolates.

If you were also like me, you had spent past Valentine’s Days sobbing into your Asia Cafe take-out, convincing yourself that you are your best valentine as you watched re-runs of The Bachelor.

This was my Singles’ Celebration Day norm until I got into my first relationship.

Though it makes me sound sappy to admit, when I fell in love, my perceptions of Valentine’s Day drastically changed (I welcome the haters who are rolling their eyes and restraining their vomit right now).

I am now part of the group that makes single people feel good about themselves during the day of couples.

Having switched sides, I am here to tell all you single people that Valentine’s Day, no matter what anyone tells you, is the most awkward day of the year for you.

“I never feel awkward on Valentine’s Day!” say all the singles.

Well, the reason that you do not feel awkward is because there are those who tell singles anything to make them feel less awkward about Valentine’s Day.

Here are my favorites:

• “I am single too! We can celebrate Valentine’s Day together!”

(Translation: “It sucks that we are both single, but I want to hang out with you today because you remind me that my life could be worse.”)

• “Valentine’s Day is about love. I love you as a friend, so this day is about all of us.”

(Translation: “There are 364 days for us to talk about how much we love each other. Today is about my boyfriend and me, so please stop being such a needy friend.”)

• “Who knows? Cupid may be just around the corner waiting for you and your future boo.”

(Translation: “Cupid would need an army of angels to find you your soulmate. Try OkCupid instead.”

There are many other phrases that have been used in this context, but the general consensus among us couples is to try our hardest to ensure that Valentine’s Day is not ruined because of the awkwardness that ensues for our single friends.

Ensuring the integrity of Valentine’s Day is vital to couples around the world, and we are willing to say anything to singles to spread the love.

Though I fall into the couples camp, I encourage singles to confront the false perceptions that exist to diminish their awkward Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day, I have come to realize, should be for everyone, from the loneliest of singles to the happiest of couples. By the way, Asia Cafe is open until 11 p.m. tonight.