Kvetching Board for March 28, 2013

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To the girl with a Blackberry: Lol, you have a Blackberry.

Dear honors thesis: I used to think we were a match made in heaven, but now I see that you are flawed, needy and out to ruin my sex life.

I feel like the weather’s been telling us: “Stop trying to make ‘spring’ happen. It’s NOT going to happen.”

Women of Davis: Flush after you go.

Hey Ben McLemore, can we go thrift shopping?

Thanks to the Spotted at UNC Facebook page for giving a way to complain to people who aren’t witty enough to get a kvetch published.

To the guy in COMP wearing a T-shirt for a frat semi-formal: Isn’t that counter-intuitive?

To the guy watching porn during the exam review session: I may not know the material, but you’re probably getting a D.

I’ve been here for almost three years, and I’m still trying to figure out if Alpine is selling coffee or gasoline.

To the 12 people I almost hit with my bike today: I’ll buy some new brakes.

If only there was something that did to girl’s faces what yoga pants do to their asses.

To the sorority girl bumpin’ “Thrift Shop” in her shiny Lexus SUV: Please stop trying.

To the girl next to me watching Hulu while taking notes: Can you tutor me?

To the mouse running wild in Hamilton 100: Test, Wednesday the third — you’re invited.

To the guy who purposefully ran into me and murmured, “Hey, baby:” Since when did hip-checking become an appropriate form of flirtation?

To the lady swiping people in at Rams Head while reading “50 Shades of Grey:” I feel you.

To the person who wrote the Chapel Hill police number in chalk under the “need a date” comment in the Pit: Well played.

How about instead of Jesus coming back this Easter, I get all my unused swipes from freshman year because I was too scared to eat alone?

To the woman who kvetched about watching the NCAA Tournament in the back of lecture: Let’s pick out our wedding cake.

To the Chi Psis using the Laundrymen service: I get it! It would be impossible to do your laundry and try to rule the world.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’