Quickhits for April 11, 2013

Is that a Q?

The N.C. House of Representatives unanimously passed the “Back to Basics” bill last week requiring public elementary school students in the state to learn cursive handwriting. We knew that the Republicans really wanted to bring the ‘50s back, but this seems a bit unnecessary.

Books and beer

The austere cultural critic and modern-day salon that is Buzzfeed recently named UNC the second-smartest party school in the country, behind UVa. Seems like a lot of people here actually do “work hard and play hard.” Or, more likely, the hard-workers compensate for the hard-partiers and vice versa.

Accidental Racist

Brad Paisley and LL Cool J have united everyone on in the internet through mutual hate for their “Accidental Racist” song. What everyone seems to forget is that this sort of mashup has been tried before with even worse results. Remember that AWFUL Tim McGraw/Nelly duet “Over and Over?” It makes your ears bleed.

Window dressing

The former vice mayor of Mount Carmel, Tenn., was recently accused of driving down the highway at 90 mph with his gentials hanging out the window. Sure it may have been illegal, unethical and immoral, but you have to give the man credit for his flexibility. How do you even do that and drive at the same time?!

Portal to nowhere

In case you haven’t noticed the magical portal between UNC and Duke in the Union has been out of commission recently. Chris Batchelder, who came up with the portal, is proposing to refocus the portal to link up the Union with students in Europe. The portal would make a wonderful paperweight, too.

Sad State of affairs

Poor, poor N.C. State. They just can’t seem to get it togther. Moo U’s latest brilliant idea is scheduling their homecoming game against their athletic superiors: us. What’s sweeter than spoiling State’s home game? Spoiling it in front of thousands of “alumni” who “graduated” from that “university.”