Quickhits for April 18, 2013

Culling of the Folt

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, your new Chancellor Carol Folt! Wait, did I say “Folt”? Is that a name? It sounds made up. Whatever. Point being, we have, for the first time in UNC history a chancellher! It’s a proud moment for all women, even those without strange monosyllabic surnames.

Vox Clamantis

It’s going to be interesting watching her adjust to UNC from life at tiny Dartmouth College, a school buried so deep in the woods of New Hampshire that its own motto is “A voice crying out in the wilderness.” Here’s to hoping that Folt can adjust to us plebeians outside of the Ivy League.

W-2 EZ LMFAO

As if everyone didn’t already hate them enough, the IRS is now claiming that Americans have no privacy in their email and Facebook chats. This is, of course, dead wrong. But if your main way of plotting to hide money from the government is Facebook Chat, you’re not exactly Al Capone, are you?

Fore!

Senior Bar Golf is tonight, meaning bars will be way too crowded with way-too-drunk people. Huzzah! Anyway, the way it works is the stronger your drink is at a given “hole,” the lower your score, the better you are at “golf.” Much like real golf, it’s a hell of a lot of walking to do just to get drunk at the end.

Shellfish behavior

As global warming progresses everywhere but North Carolina (thanks, General Assembly!), more carbon enters the Earth’s waters. This, indirectly, leads to enormous crabs that could screw up Chesapeake Bay. Listen up, Maryland. I’m willing to take one for the team and eat all your extra crab cakes. You’re welcome.

This too shall pass

P.J. Hairston and James Michael McAdoo both announced they’d be staying next year, whereas rising senior Reggie Bullock announced he’d be declaring for the NBA Draft. It’s been a pleasure knowing you, Reggie. We’ll never forget that time you said, on mic, that Coach K looked like a rat. Godspeed, Reg.