As with all authoritarian, dystopian societies, this one starts with something relatively reasonable and well-meaning. The year is 2015, only two years after the town of Chapel Hill reinstates a ban on cellphone use while operating a vehicle.
Even hands-free devices like Bluetooth are recognized as the profound sources of danger and distraction they are. (Officers themselves are exempt, of course.)
Officers aren’t allowed to pull cars over for cellphone use alone. But they see no change in drivers’ behavior, so they’re told to watch drivers with cellphones extra carefully — and it’s not hard to find an excuse to pull someone over if you want to.
Pretty soon any sort of hand-held gadget or headphones immediately puts officers on the offensive, with or without a moving violation.
Several drivers get arrested for holding food after a new Taco Bell product is mistaken for the newest iPhone model.
One driver is arrested for swerving after spilling coffee on himself, and then the powers that be realize how distracting it really is to pick up fries and dip them in ketchup without looking. Anti-consumption laws follow shortly after, all in the name of safety.
Without anyone left at liberty to call in, radio programs suffer in quality and ratings. They slip over the edge of relevance, where they had previously been teetering like disco at the drain or Jimmy Carter in the post-Reagan era. They plummet into obsolescence and obscurity, robbing many Americans of their jobs.
With rising unemployment and consistently exorbitant gas prices, carpooling is popular again. Road safety lobbyists realize that, despite their best efforts, people are still recklessly engaging other humans in conversation. They ban conversation.
Left with no one to vent to and nothing to tame their appetites, drivers silently implode with intensely concentrated road rage. Angry accidents turn out to be more violent and thus more deadly than the normal kind, and legislators quickly act to stem the rising tide of DWIs (Driving While Irate).
