Stone-cold sober
The rider for Homecoming concert performers, Wale and Ace Hood, was recently revealed. Though many of their requests could be met, the University could not provide a bottle of Hennessy or peach Ciroc. The performers were allegedly not pleased when offered warm keg beer and half a Four Loko as compensation.
Rockin’ the Pit
Pita Pit’s new owner has recently revealed his strategies that increased sales by 25 percent. The owner says he has been using the same marketing methods he used for his old rock band. This follows in the tradition set by Iggy Pop selling his organic heroin patties and Elvis’ line of deep fried milk steak slices.
Put it away
Sweden just got a lot less cool as, despite reports to the contrary, it turns out that public masturbation is, indeed, not legal. The confusion stemmed from a mistranslation of a court case. Unfortunately, this news came too late for Kermit the Frog, who thought the Swedish Chef’s habits were “just a cultural thing.”
