Quickhits for October 24, 2013

Psycho World Peace

Early in Monday’s preseason game, Tyler Hansbrough looked ready to fight until he realized that the man who had just fouled him was Metta World Peace, noted brawler and Queens, N.Y. native. But don’t think you’re too tough, World Peace. You wouldn’t last a second in the mean streets of Chapel Hill.

It begins

The annual game of Humans vs. Zombies has started up once more. Unfortunately, this signals the gruesome tasking of having to avoid the bandana-clad, Nerf gun-wielding socially inept. Fortunately, this also signals the unleashing of ridiculous amounts of fodder for both the Quick Hits and kvetches.

Old habits die hard

Three Utah Boy Scout leaders could be facing jail time after toppling a boulder that had taken millions of years to form in the state’s Goblin Valley State Park. The old-school scout leaders apparently thought that the unstable rock wasn’t straight enough, and thus could have corrupted the young Scouts’ minds.

The third dimension

The first 3-D printers have been delivered to America’s Caribbean neighbor, Haiti. The printers are being used to create custom prosthetics and even buildings. This is a stark contrast to the 3-D printers delivered to America’s other neighbor, Canada, which has been using them to create jorts and hockey pucks.

A ho new world

A new “dating” app called Carrot Dating will allow men to entice women into first dates by giving bribes ranging from a full tank of gas to plastic surgery. It’s the newest technology in man’s quest to avoid actually having to hire prostitutes. The app is great for people that love Tinder but hate self-respect.

A heart of mold

Former Vice President Dick Cheney revealed pictures of his pre-transplant heart on Sunday’s “60 Minutes.” After five heart attacks, the heart was striking. Unlike most hearts, this one was three times the normal size. Also unlike most hearts, this one was still beating and demanding small children as tributes.