TO THE EDITOR:
Thanks to the Pope Center report pointing out that we could replace all our language majors with Rosetta Stone, we were inspired to come up with a few more cost-cutting suggestions for our beloved University during this difficult financial time:
1. Replace English major with episodes of “Reading Rainbow” from the ’90s.
2. Replace astronomy classes with Star Wars.
3. Replace test tubes in science labs with folded-up straws from dining halls. Same thing, right?
4. Get rid of dining halls. Students either buy food at grocery stores or catch it themselves, teaching them personal responsibility.
5. Replace biology major with turf grass science major. Our graduates need to have jobs when they get out.
6. Get rid of athletic facilities for students. If they weren’t good enough to get here on scholarship, they don’t deserve to run, swim or play sports. You have to earn it, kids!
7. Eliminate all work-study positions on campus. If you can’t find a dead-end job off campus now, how are you supposed to have a dead-end job when you graduate to make the numbers look good?
And lastly, UNC should provide vouchers to low-income students in North Carolina to attend private universities. Because, just like everything else in the Pope Center’s report, that makes sense.
