Kvetching Board for November 26, 2013

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To the boy in math who constantly digs for nose gold and then eats it: I understand that it’s the end of the semester, but can’t you just beg for swipes like everybody else?

But N.C. State, how can this be “your state” when you didn’t beat anyone in it?

To the guy in the stall next to me in the Union who evidently felt the need to fully disrobe prior to defecation: What are you? But hey, maybe you were masturbating — that’d be less weird, right?

Wait, P.J. who?

To my hallmate who opens my door without knocking, and who did so while I was laying pipe last night, I’m going to go Mortal Kombat on your ass. Sincerely, the Fishmonger.

To the girl in my advertising class, no we won’t disregard that you just admitted to watching iCarly.

Coach Roy Fedora, is having two games on at once your idea of multitasking?

I think our football team should apologize to the cheerleaders for the amount of push-ups they are making them do.

To the random drunk guy I drove home Friday night, stop calling everyone sweetheart. You sound like a tool.

Heard in the student section at the football game: “Can you stop standing?” and “Are you going to Aspen this winter?”

To the guy who was walking that needed both Siri and my directions to get to Memorial Hall: You’re one of the reasons I’m losing faith in humanity.

That moment when Old Dominion University almost lets our football team outscore our basketball team.

To the girl who made a five on AP BC Calculus but decided to take Math 232 anyways: You belong at Dook because everyone here hates you.

To the girl who got on the U at Carolina Coffee Shop and got off at the Planetarium: I hope you trip on a brick.

No-Shave November: the time of year that separates the men from the middle-schoolers.

To the guy who let his dog do its business on Polk Place: you know your dog’s toilet is a place where people like to walk, sit and sleep, right?

To the person who smuggled a large confectionary out of Lenoir: You literally take the cake.

Am I missing the sign in the Rams Head Starbucks that says “all couples come publicly cuddle here”?

To all the Carolina students that said we were going to get creamed against Louisville … Y’all can just suck it.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.