Quickhits for January 9, 2014

Wussy Riot

Students stormed the entrance after being turned away from the basketball game against Kentucky last month. Though the line was randomized, there was some miscommunication that lead to the chaos. Some have compared it to student riots over the Vietnam War, but “much, much lamer.”

Bowl in one

The football team ended a mixed season on a high note with a victory over Cincinnati in the Belk Bowl. Ryan Switzer even tied an NCAA record with an 87-yard punt return. According to CNN, a record was also set for being the first program to win a bowl by only using pictures and two-syllable words.

How cold? Ice cold

Areas across North America have been seeing extremely cold weather, with some wind chill temperatures lower than that of Mars, due to the Polar Vortex. Reports have been made that men have been trying out for professional sports and asking models out claiming that, in all probability, hell has actually frozen over too.

Getting a mile high

After booming sales of around $5 million in the first week of recreational marijuana sales in Colorado, many states have been rumored to be following suit. One of these potential copy cats is Alaska. Officials have denied that this decision is based on “how awesome the colors of the Aurora Borealis could be.”

Don’t rock Rob Ford

Even after admitting to smoking crack in one of his “drunken stupors,” Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has surprised some by applying for re-election. Ford claimed that he has been the best mayor Toronto has ever had. Unfortunately for Ford, the general populace doesn’t define best as “functioning the best hungover.”

Back to school

As students bid farewell to their parents and home cooking, they welcome back into their lives a seemingly endless supply of Hot Pockets and assigned reading. Unfortunately there still isn’t a class on “Breaking Bad” being offered, so all that Netflix binge watching isn’t going to help with grades.