At Carolina Athletics, we’ve always had a simple philosophy: When you become a Tar Heel, there’s literally no wrong way to spell “Put me in, coach.”
But one Debbie Downer is trying to change all that.
It’s the classic he said, she said, they read at 4th grade reading levels. Mary Willingham, a University employee who once worked with athletes here, released data to CNN showing a significant chunk of them performed at elementary school levels.
The athletic department denied the accusations, releasing a statement with squiggly lines, handprints and a sad macaroni face.
It’s just too much to handle. I always want to support my school, of course, but even I have to admit, after this many scandals, each denial gets harder to believe. They’re like UNC athletes’ English degrees — you just can’t trust them anymore.
I mean, these players now. If only they brought the same kind of passion and energy to the field that they bring to not reading books, this never would have been an issue to begin with.
But in their defense, Jim Dean, UNC’s executive vice chancellor and provost, said, “the vast majority of athletes we’ve accepted have very strong verbal and mathematical skills.” The others, he added, still exhibit remarkably advanced behavior, like sharing and the use of simple tools.
So is Willingham lying, or isn’t she? Will we ever know?
Maybe I’m oversimplifying things, but … Why can’t we just ask these athletes to come back and read for us? Get Jeff Foxworthy to host. Duke to sponsor. That would settle this whole thing in five seconds.
