Quickhits for Feb. 27, 2014

*Shooting average*

Former UNC guard Raymond Felton was recently arrested in New York for charges related to gun possession. The biggest news to come out of this story, however, is that Felton’s wife’s name is Ariane Raymondo-Felton. Surprisingly, she’s just named for her favorite sitcom, “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

*Another barrier*

On Sunday, Jason Collins became the first openly gay athlete to play in one of the U.S.’s four major sports when he checked in for the Brooklyn Nets. This was a great moment for American sports. Now, if only this state were as progressive as a team full of adulterers, domestic abusers and potential KGB agents.

*Blowing money fast*

It was recently announced that the attorney leading the investigation in the University’s former AFAM Department will be paid $990 per hour with no limit to the hours he can work. Though this may seem like a high hourly wage, the attorney’s reasonable expenses include gold plated toilets, ivory pens and hype men.

*Core values*

Ben & Jerry’s recently announced four new flavors of ice cream with cores of fudge, caramel or jam. This release has come at the worst possible time as many spring break diets and workouts are reaching their climax. But hey, I’m sure Canada’s lovely this time of year and you can wear non-revealing sweaters.

*SoChill*

This week we waved goodbye to the 2014 Winter Olympics and all its nightmare-bear mascots, dysfunctional hotels, stray dogs and unopened Olympic rings. The games were a resounding success for the host nation of Russia, who won the most medals, and the Jamaicans, who finally made it there.

*Old school*

A 2013 law signed by Gov. Pat McCrory states that Greeks will be able to hold on to their houses, even without the University’s approval. It has been reported middle-aged men have begun plans to create their own frat in order to reclaim a bit of their youth. No one has yet to die in any jelly-wrestling-related accidents.